The Onion on Napster
Recovered from the Internet Archive. This page comes from a ListenSmart.com capture saved by the Wayback Machine on November 18, 2000. The original text is preserved where it survives; links and layout have been adapted for this restoration. Historical account, search, posting, voting, playback and download features are inactive; their labels remain as plain text. Images that were never archived are left out. Audio files were not recovered for this archive.
Source: Wayback Machine capture of ubb.listensmart.com:80/ubb/Forum12/HTML/001337.html.
Removal requests: email seanfenlon@yahoo.com with the page address.
Email This Page to Someone! |
 Artist Only Boards [all categories]
 Artist Area
 The Onion on Napster
Post New Topic |
| next newest topic | next oldest topic |
| Author | Topic: The Onion on Napster |
| #1
Andrew Hickey Guru Posts: 407 |
posted 05-18-2000 06:35 AM
Click Here to See the Profile for Andrew Hickey Edit/Delete Message 
From www.onion.com LOS ANGELES--MP3 piracy of copyrighted music claimed another victim Monday, when the emaciated body of rock-rap superstar Kid Rock was found on the median of La Cienega Boulevard. "How many more artists must die of starvation before we put a stop to this MP3 madness?" asked Hilary Rosen, president of the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). "MP3s of Kid Rock's music were so widely traded and downloaded by Napster users that he was driven back to the mean streets from whence he came, dying bankrupt and penniless in the gutter." When found by police, the 28-year-old Kid Rock, born Bob Ritchie in Detroit, was still clutching the cardboard "Devil Without A Place To Sleep Or Anything To Eat" sign that had been his trademark ever since the rise of Napster's MP3-sharing software bankrupted him in January. Rosen said the RIAA would prosecute the music-piracy firms that are responsible "to the fullest extent of the law." "Napster killed Kid Rock, there's no doubt about it," Rosen said. "As soon as that web site went up last October, people stopped buying his music. It's not surprising, either: Why would anyone in their right mind pay $12.99 for a CD with artwork when they could simply spend seven hours downloading the compressed MP3 files of all the album's songs onto their home computer's desktop, decompress it into an AIFF sound file, and then burn the data onto a blank CD?" "If we don't do something, this technology is going to destroy the record industry," said Nathan Davis, vice-president of Atlantic Records, Kid Rock's label. "Just imagine if the oil-change industry allowed the public to have direct access to oil and oil filters, enabling them to change their car's oil themselves without going through Jiffy Lube or Kwik Lube. People would stop going to oil-change shops, and the entire industry would collapse. We can't let that happen to us." According to post-autopsy analysis of Kid Rock's stomach contents by the L.A. County coroner's office, his last meal consisted of newspapers, cigar butts, old CD liner notes, and the partial remains of sidekick Joe C., who had been missing since May 15. "This is exactly the kind of thing we've been warning our fans about," James Hetfield, the lone surviving member of Metallica, told reporters during a press conference at Hollywood's Grace Church Homeless Shelter. "First, they found Madonna dead of a crack overdose in the alley behind Liquid. Then my best friend and bandmate Lars is killed by cops during a botched hold-up of a liquor store. Now, Kid Rock dies of starvation like a filthy dog in the street. My God, people, didn't we learn the lesson of Elton John?" John, the British rock star who went bankrupt in 1976 before private ownership of music-pirating cassette decks was made illegal, died of exposure on a Welsh moor that year after creditors repossessed his clothing.
------------------ IP: Logged |
| #2
JimmyStewart Guru Posts: 236 |
posted 05-18-2000 10:23 AM
Click Here to See the Profile for JimmyStewart  Edit/Delete Message
ROLFLMAO! ------------------ IP: Logged |
| #3
BaptistDeathRay Guru Posts: 337 |
posted 05-18-2000 11:00 AM
Click Here to See the Profile for BaptistDeathRay Edit/Delete Message
Oh my God... that was beautiful... ------------------ IP: Logged |
| #4
Bruce Satinover Guru Posts: 246 |
posted 05-18-2000 11:07 AM
Click Here to See the Profile for Bruce Satinover Edit/Delete Message
What's Napster? ------------------ IP: Logged |
| #5
sins tailor Guru Posts: 657 |
posted 05-18-2000 11:17 AM
Click Here to See the Profile for sins tailor Edit/Delete Message
quote: or maybe they just sobered up....... funny IP: Logged |
| #6
Elegie Guru Posts: 230 |
posted 05-18-2000 11:21 AM
Click Here to See the Profile for Elegie Edit/Delete Message
He - I always thought Napster was someone with a sleeping disorder... IP: Logged |
| #7
weAponX Guru Posts: 2116 |
posted 05-18-2000 12:41 PM
Click Here to See the Profile for weAponX Edit/Delete Message
My Ghod I actually thought this was real newz when I first glanced at it- A coup de grace, Andrew! ------------------ IP: Logged |
| #8
Incorporated Newbie Posts: 91 |
posted 05-19-2000 12:31 PM
Click Here to See the Profile for Incorporated Edit/Delete Message
God, how I love The Onion.  ------------------ IP: Logged |
| #9
The Stereo Logic Guru Posts: 126 |
posted 05-19-2000 08:35 PM
Click Here to See the Profile for The Stereo Logic Edit/Delete Message
ha ha ha ha ------------------ IP: Logged |
All times are ET (US) | next newest topic | next oldest topic |
Post New Topic  |
Hop to: Go |
Contact Us | ListenSmart.com
Powered by: Ultimate Bulletin Board, Version 5.41a
© Infopop Corporation (formerly Madrona Park, Inc.), 1998 - 1999.